03/10/11 Fuck.


I don't know what else to say. The others are back. We were running out of food, so we went on a supply run at the Emerald Queen Casino. On the way, we ran into a girl named Dandelion, who'd escaped from White Silver-- the leader of a gang that, we learned, had been camping out there. Her and a few other girls were being held hostage. All she wanted was to kill the bastard. And boy, my bleeding heart understood. I didn't even consider Dandelion could have been bitten; just knew that I had to help, and I put everyone in danger for it. In the face off, Silver killed a girl named Stacy because my shot missed. It could have been me.

Doc wants me to stop thinking that way. She says we just have to look out for our own, that's how we get through this. But if it was my abuser, my revenge... where would I have drawn the line? Would I have told the others, knowing I'd never get the chance to kill him if I did? I know damn well I've done collateral damage before. When I killed that gang member-- JayK-- I felt nothing. You see, I was held captive once. Spent years begging compliant worms, like him, to do something. They're almost worse. They let you go home to the beatings and pretend they didn't turn a blind eye. They support your abuser out of fear, when they should be more scared of you.

Henrietta knew that if she ran, they would hunt her to the ends of the earth. So she struck first, just like Dandelion had to do. Henrietta burnt that motherfucker's house to the ground with his own lighter. She knew that becoming a murderer would 'kill two birds with one stone'-- not even her family could fish her out of prison. But then, Henrietta just... never got caught. She was free for the first time.


And I will die free.
S. Smoke